


Finding Our Voices

by stoleyouaway



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, Song fic, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1814965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stoleyouaway/pseuds/stoleyouaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has been biting his tongue about his feelings for Louis for so long. After seeing a tabloid article which hints at their relationship, he knows he must gather the courage to tell Louis the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Our Voices

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the song 'Read All About It Part III' by Emeli Sande.

Harry threw the American tabloid down on the bed with an angry grunt, running his lean fingers through his curly mane. Only in American for two weeks, and this already? He was getting tired of having to squash this farfetched rumor. It only led to awkward silences between him and Lou, and Eleanor would stop speaking to him for a month. Nothing, however, hurt more than scoffing off his feelings as if they were some sort of joke. As the youngest member of the group, Harry felt he was the most protected by the other boys, although it should have been Niall because he was the most vulnerable. Because of this, though, he was given less of a chance with girls because they thought he was a bit of a slut who slept around. Harry was really given no opportunity to get a steady girlfriend and rectify the situation. Management encouraged it, saying it would be good publicity for him to date somebody in the public eye in America, in a hope to mesh their fans together instead of alienating one group or the other.  _Taylor Swift?_ they suggested.  _Emma Watson? Jennifer Lawrence?_ It could be easily set up, Harry knew. One call to any girl’s management, one very public date, and it would instantly be on the front cover of every celebrity magazine across the globe. And yet, for some reason, Harry refused every time.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested, or just didn’t want to date – because he  _was_ very interested and wanted to be somebody’s boyfriend – but Harry wanted someone else. Someone he definitely could  _not_ have, because it was wrong on so many levels. But there was just something in his liquid blue eyes that just caught hold of Harry and wouldn’t let him go …

He, Harry Styles, was  _not_ gay. He lost his virginity to a girl, and the fact that he liked pussies was, in part, a euphemism for women. Harry had never even considered another man before then, never believed he could be into men when he was so infatuated by women. When he met Louis on  _The X Factor_ at age sixteen, Harry’d never even thought of questioning his sexuality. But after getting to know him at his dad’s bungalow, and seeing his witty side come out in the video diaries, electricity formed like a flash flood in Harry’s mind, holding his feelings hostage like a vice. He had felt horribly exposed, even ashamed, afraid his feelings would be on display for everyone to see. It wasn’t a feeling he was used to, vulnerable instead of cool and confident. When they were onstage, Harry couldn’t help his knees from wobbling at his solos, at the way his tongue swiped across his plump lips, at the way his hair always stood on end by the last song of the night. Harry loved the way his eyes always lit up upon seeing him, and when he pulled him in close for a hug on special occasions. Harry loved his sincerity, his sense of humor, his laugh, the way he talked and sang and  _breathed._

Yes, Harry Styles was in love with Louis Tomlinson.

Harry had actually had hope for them, at one point. While they were touring Europe during the summer of 2011 to promote their album, Harry and Louis became closer than ever, Louis even going as far as to flirt with him during public interviews. Their fans had even given them a couple name –  _Larry Stylinson_ – and became truly convinced that he and Louis were dating. But Louis had actually  _laughed_ the first time he heard of it, after seeing a sign made by a fan. Truly he believed it was the funniest joke ever, repeating it night after night during dinner, and the boys would have a good chuckle over it. Because it  _was_ funny, right? Harry and Louis, a couple? Preposterous. Except to Harry, it wasn’t.

All hope was lost to Harry after Louis met Eleanor. They began spending every waking moment together, Harry actually having to leave the  _apartment_ because he couldn’t stand to hear them in Louis’s bedroom. From there, the relationship deteriorated. Harry was a jealous mess incapable of expressing how he felt, and Louis so caught in his own girlfriend that he forgot to pay attention to anyone else. The other boys were sympathetic, thinking he was upset over losing Lou as a best friend to El, but it was more than that. It was the fact that he came so close and lost Louis to a  _girl._

And it all came full circle. One Direction was performing on talk shows and early morning news programs with the hopes of gaining more popularity in America where people were less familiar with them than English fans. Things had been going well, but now … Harry looked down at the magazine in disgust, his stomach churning with distaste. ONE DIRECTION BROMANCE TURNED ROMANCE? spanned the top of the front cover, and situated below, a very obviously manipulated picture of Harry and Louis. It was ridiculous nonsense, Harry had thought while reading the article, which contained slanderous material and forged quotes from both him and Eleanor, though neither said any such thing. Harry knew their management and record company could sue for libel, but at such time of teetering uncertainty relating to record sales in the U.S., it would have to be handled so very carefully.

_Oh God_ , Harry thought, groaning as he rubbed his eyes furiously with his thumb and forefinger.  _I have to show Louis. And laugh it off, and pretend it’s all made up._

With great effort, Harry managed to make his weary limbs carry him across the hall to Louis’s room. He knocked.

“Yeah?” Louis’s distinctive voice could be heard faintly through the thick door. Harry’s heart twisted and rose to his throat.

“It’s me,” he answered.

There was a muffled rustle, some footsteps and then Louis was standing before him.

And wet.

Harry noted, in the very back of his mind, that Louis had just showered, drying hair sticking up in all directions. He had a towel around his waist and another in his hand, which he was absently rubbing the back of his head with.

Harry’s mouth had suddenly gone dry, and he felt like he’d eaten sand. “Uh …” he stammered. His mind was jogged by the tabloid in his hand, which had clenched tightly into a fist. He held it out to his best friend awkwardly, arm extended into his person space. “It’s about us.”

“Us?” Lou cocked one eyebrow, blue eyes skimming over the cover. “I don’t remember this photo.”

“They manipulated it. See, you can see how the two backgrounds aren’t continuous.”

“Ah.” Louis began flipping through for the article. “What’s it say?”

Harry attempted to shrug nonchalantly. “Same old.” Except they have false quotes in there from me and Eleanor, so management’s gonna throw a fit.”

“Hmph.” Louis turned and tossed the magazine in the waste basket. “Wanna come in?”

Harry nodded, moving past his bandmate into the hotel room. It was extremely messy, clothes strewn literally  _everywhere._ “It’s messy already. We’ve on been here a day and a half.”

Louis shrugged. “I like LA. Despite the obnoxious paparazzi, it’s beautiful. I could see myself living here in the future.” Catching Harry off guard, he slipped off his towel and walked over to his dresser. Immediately Harry averted his eyes, cheeks red as he tried to avoid an inexplicable and very unfortunately-timed boner. Only when Louis was zippering his jeans did Harry open his eyes and breathe.

“I wonder who thought of it first,” Louis said vaguely, walking over to the bay window and staring out over Sunset Boulevard.

“Thought of what, exactly?”

“Larry Stylinson,” Louis elaborated, placing air quotes around the words. “I mean, the whole idea of it is just completely absurd. El has gotten so much hate mail and bad things said about her, just because she’s my girlfriend and because I’m not with you. I swear, we have the craziest fans sometimes.”

**You’ve got the words to change a nation, but you’re biting your tongue.**

“Yeah,” Harry muttered quietly. “Crazy.”

“Is something bothering you?” Louis inquired, instantly picking up on his friend’s bad mood.

“No,” said Harry automatically, knowing he had to bite his tongue or risk losing his friendship with Louis. He had just been slammed into the friend zone with the force of a speeding bullet heading straight for his heart.

**You’ve spent a lifetime stuck in silence, afraid you’ll say something wrong.**

But he wanted to speak. He wanted to say what was on the tip of his tongue – that he loved Louis, and spent every waking moment dreaming about being with him, having him hold his hand and sharing a bed together.

**You’ve got a heart as loud as lions, so why let your voice be tamed?**

“I love you,” Harry blurted, no preamble to soften the blow of his sharp words. Unable to say anything to amend the statement, to moderate it and make it less than the truth, Harry stayed silent.

Louis seemed frozen in place, a striking statue of flesh and bone and blood. Harry understood. What did one say to something like that? Harry turned to leave.

“Wait.” Louis’s voice was like ice cubes down his spine, raising goose bumps on his skin. Harry waited.

**Baby we’re a little different. There’s no need to be ashamed.**

Harry’s back was to Louis, but could hear him pacing across the carpet, his bare feet shuffling against the plush rug. Harry couldn’t decide which was scarier – the silent Louis, or a screaming angry one.

“So you’re gay?” Louis finally asked. It wasn’t the question Harry had been expecting, but he was prepared to answer anything.

“Not really. It’s just you.”

“And how long have you … felt, this way?”

“Since maybe I broke up with Caroline.”

Louis made a low guttural noise in his throat. Needing to explain face to face, Harry whirled around to find Louis with tear stained cheeks.

“Are you crying?” Harry said gently, keeping his distance. He still didn’t know how his friend had reacted to the news that he didn’t  _just_ like girls.

Louis wiped the tears away with the palm of his hand, sniffling slightly. “I’m just really confused,” he choked out.

“About …?” Harry was still wary.

The words Louis spoke next were so low he almost didn’t catch them. “About my feelings for you.”

Harry’s heart throbbed in his chest, so hard it hurt. He held on to that, the pain helping to clear his head. “I-I, but El … and you, you’re not—are you?”

**You’ve got the light to fight the shadows, so stop hiding it away.**

Harry watched Louis’s bare shoulders touch his ears and fall back down. Confliction was evident on his face, the way his mouth twitched downward and his eyebrows were furrowed. “The rumors hurt, at first,” Lou said, his voice rough and breaking. “That people assumed I was gay because of how I acted or dressed, when really it’s just me, and who I am. But then I began to believe that maybe I  _was._ And I asked myself if I was attracted to boys.” His hands twisted painfully in front of him, head still facing the floor. Harry could hear his pulse in his ears as he waited. And then blue eyes met green and Harry’s world exploded like fireworks in the night sky. “I think I love you too.”

**Everything I have, I give to you. And every one of these lines I sing to you.**

Harry stood there, completely paralyzed, because the last thing he expected to hear was what just came out of Louis’s mouth. But he felt his mouth lift and open and the widest grin spread itself out across his face, his eyes alight with joy and elation. Because Louis  _loved_ him. Louis loved  _him. Louis_ loved him. And with seemingly no control over his own body, Harry found himself crossing the room to his bandmate and taking him into his arms, pulling him in close to his chest. Because this was  _it._ This was everything he’d wanted for so long, and it was finally  _real …_

But there were hands on his torso, pushing him away. Louis, slightly shorter than him, was shaking his head, spiky hair tickling his chin. “No, Harry, no.”

And that one word sent an icy stake through his chest, the mere thought of rejection agony in his heart and mind. “Lou, it’s okay, we can be together, it’s alright—,”

And suddenly Louis was across the room from him, yanking at his hair and screaming in frustration. “No, Harry!” Louis’s sharp tone hit a nerve with Harry, who was beginning to feel like a kicked puppy. “Don’t you  _get_ it? We _—_ ,” he said, gesturing between the two of them with one hand, “can  _never_ be. I’m with Eleanor, and I  _do_ love her, and besides, our reputations would be completely  _ruined_ —,”

**I wanna sing, I wanna shout, I wanna scream till the words dry out.**

“Is that really what you care about? Our  _reputations?_ Who  _cares_? We won’t lose any fans. Our record sales won’t go down. Our friends and family won’t love us any less. Eleanor will move on, and besides, it’s not fair to her if you’re in love with someone else. I’m  _here_ , in front of you, telling you that I want to be with you. If you feel the same way, you have to at least give us a _chance._ ”

**If the truth has been forbidden, then we’re breaking all the rules.**

“I’m afraid.” Louis even seemed shocked by what had slipped past his lips. “I don’t want to come out as gay to the world, because I don’t know how people will respond to it. And what if we don’t work out, Harry? What would happen to the band?”

**There’s no need to be afraid, I will sing with you my friend.**

“We’re always going to be friends, Louis. And I couldn’t possibly imagine losing you now, after we’ve been through so much together. And I can’t let you go knowing you feel the way you do. So  _please,_ Louis, be my boyfriend. Let them say what they want. Let the whole world know how we feel about each other. I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to be with you. Please.”

**Let’s get the TV and the radio to play our tune again. It’s ‘bout time we got some airplay of our version of events.**

Louis was directly in front of him now, breath ghosting over his cheeks and eyelashes brushing his. His grip on Harry’s biceps was bruising, pulling the younger boy into a crushing hug. It was raw and passionate and Harry wanted to say so much more but instead he just held him, stroking his hair and conveying how much he loved this man without words. Then Louis’s lips were on his and the two boys kissed with a hunger and a curiosity, an experience so new for the both of them yet so familiar. They fit together; fell into place like matching puzzle pieces, two parts of a whole. Harry’s fingers trembled and his breathing sped up, his heartbeat matching Lou’s like the rhythm of a drum. Gradually the kiss slowed to the sweet movement of lips on lips, gentle and caressing. Harry began murmuring words against Louis’s mouth, just nonsense rambling, and the same word over and over –  _lovelovelove._

**Put it in all of the papers, I’m not afraid. They can read all about it, read all about it.**

**Author's Note:**

> Come to say hi on **[tumblr](https://stylslou.tumblr.com)** if you wish :)


End file.
